Do you know you should be grateful, but can’t seem to work up the thanksgiving?
Are you feeling a little irked about the messages, cards, door wreaths, banners, and decorations telling you to give thanks?
Maybe you don’t have time to sip a pumpkin spice latte and count your blessings.
Your life could be so full of demands that gratitude seems like a foreign luxury.
Additionally, the media is full of all the terrible things going on.
How can we keep our heads above the suffering, injustice, inconvenience, and disappointments?
In this post, you’ll learn the importance of gratitude, why gratitude is not easy, and how to start being grateful despite the difficulty.
Gratitude is Essential To Happiness
Is gratitude worth all the effort it takes to gain and maintain it?
I think so for one fundamental reason.
Gratitude fosters humble attachment.
We attach to people and things that help us, that we depend upon for resources, pleasure, or comfort.
And that attachment can only be positive (not codependent, manipulative, or domineering) when it is a humble attachment, an attachment filled with gratitude.
Why?
Because a lack of gratitude is fundamentally a resentment of our dependency on others and our world.
A good life is dependent on so many factors outside of our direct control like other people’s goodwill, the beauty of nature, our health, or the love of God.
If we do not learn to acknowledge and celebrate our dependency on good things we cannot do for ourselves, we end up resentful that we are limited.
And that resentment naturally creates distance between you and the people and things that are here for your benefit.
It often feels like depression and despair.
It often takes the form of anger, grudges, and bitterness.
It can also express itself in anxiety and paranoia.
Make no mistake, gratitude is an indispensable element of your happiness.
Gratitude is Difficult
If gratitude is such a positive emotion and important for our well-being and our relationships, why doesn’t it come naturally?!
Gratitude requires observation.
How can you give thanks for something that you don’t recognize is a reality?
How can you decide if you are thankful for something if you don’t take the time to analyze its usefulness to you, its effect on you, or your dependence on it?
Obviously, you can’t.
Ignorance of the good in our lives prevents gratitude.
Emotional turmoil clouds our ability to notice the good things.
Anxiety, depression, and anger are like cataracts on the soul.
We cannot see clearly when we are in turmoil or conflict.
For instance, it’s extremely difficult to notice the good things about a coworker or boss that’s disappointing or angering you.
It’s almost impossible without professional help to see the bright side of life when we are in a clinical depression.
And of course, if we’re anxious, our fight-flight-freeze response narrows our attention to survival.
Smelling the roses is not an option when you’re in survival mode.
Loneliness separates us from the good in life.
Loneliness and detachment from good friends, family, and spouses creates an anxiety that rides in the back of our minds.
It’s a low-level survival mode.
We may not be fully conscious of it, but our primal brain knows that if anything goes terribly wrong, we’re responsible for all of it. We are alone. It’s on us.
And that causes many of us to hide our true feelings and thoughts which decreases the amounts of encouragement and love we receive.Consequently, that decreases the amount of encouragement and love we could be thankful for.
3 Ways to Grow in Gratitude
Here are three good places to start if you are facing any of these challenges.
If you give it your all and practice gratitude for a while, it will become more natural.
1. Lower your eyes.
I mean two things by this.
First, when you can’t see good things in your life, humble yourself.
It could be that your pride is not allowing you to appreciate the small things.
It could be that your pride is not allowing you to give time or credit to the people around you who are the reason for your success.
Secondly, when you can’t see good things in your life, check your expectations.
You may be setting your bar too high for what’s reasonable in your situation.
If your sights are set unrealistically high, you will constantly run into disappointment and frustration.
Obviously, that doesn’t leave a lot of room for gratitude.
Humble yourself to look at the things and people around that are helping you and keep your expectations realistic.
Gratitude will then be in your reach.
2. If you are depressed, sad, or angry, start small.
These difficult emotions are not bad emotions.
They are the body’s way of alerting us to something that is wrong.
We need these emotions for our well-being.
Fighting them, rushing them, ignoring them, or diminishing them is not a good idea.
Instead, accept them and practice gratitude on a small scale.
Can’t find anything to be grateful for in your troubled marriage?
Find something beautiful in nature that delights you.
Can’t see any good in your workplace?
Find something inspiring and encouraging with friends.
We can’t be grateful for everything all at once, so relax and start wherever you can.
Gratitude will grow from the smallest of seeds.
3. If you’re lonely, be with someone without strings attached.
Loneliness can’t be solved simply by being next to people.
You must let go of the expectation that they will fix you, entertain you, boost your reputation, or be your savior.
That is an expectation set too high.
You’ll be disappointed, lonelier, they will feel the weight of your obligation, and you will likely lose them as a friend.
When someone worth being around agrees to be with you, thank them for their time.
Accept what they say when they compliment you or express thanks.
The etiquette of saying “please”, “thank you”, and “you’re welcome” are especially key in developing our appreciation for others when we are with them.
Mind your manners and gratitude will begin to grow inside of you.
Life Coaching Can Help
If you want to accelerate your growth in love and gratitude, coaching is a fabulous resource.
The self-reflection, assessments, and honest feedback from a coach can help you develop gratitude and happiness in your life much faster than you would on your own.
Please contact me HERE to see if coaching would be right for you.
I’m rooting for you!
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