A meaningless life is unlivable.
Not unbearable, although I would find it so.
Rather, a meaningless life is impossible.
A meaningless life is like a unicorn; it’s a concept we generally understand—we can even picture it in our minds—but it doesn’t exist.
Every life has meaning.
We just don’t like what each life means.
Do you like what you mean?
In this blog post, I’ll discuss the problems that come if you refuse to clarify your meaning in life, how to discover and decide that meaning, and offer an exercise that can bring helpful insights in your search for meaning.
The Problem of Ambiguous Identity
It’s very possible to hate what our life means, so we tend to avoid clarifying ourselves.
It’s as if we think that we can avoid living lives that mean something awful, strange, evil—or worse—mediocre, if we don’t inspect our overall effect on this earth.
So we leave the canvases of our lives empty, and most often, other people paint upon them.
We leave our calendars and priorities blank, so others dictate them.
Maybe avoiding our meaning saves us from some pain, BUT it also keeps us from recognizing that our lives mean something valuable, beautiful, good, and special.
Instead of fulfillment, we’re left with emptiness, depression, and anxiety.
These feelings make us incredibly vulnerable to temptation and distraction.
All of us are gullible when we mindlessly go through the motions.
Gullible enough to believe the passing thought-lies like…
My life doesn’t matter.
They’d be better off with someone else.
No one appreciates me.
I’m not enough.
Gullible enough to fall for the media-lies like…
Drink this and you’ll be popular.
Wear this and you’ll be attractive.
Buy this and you’ll matter.
Do this and you’ll be happy.
You don’t have to put up with this affliction—this ambiguous identity.
You have the power to discover and decide your meaning.
And yes, you must do both.
No one creates their meaning from scratch, and no one has their meaning utterly decided for them.
Discover What You Mean
We have entered an existence with certain limitations, histories, and principles that we didn’t determine.
Our bodies are what they are. Our brains are what they are.
Our families are what they are. Our human history is what it is.
Our personalities are shaped in our subconscious mind as children.
Some things work for us and other things don’t.
Since so much of our lives are pre-determined, a great part of our meaning is decided for us.
That meaning may not be as noticeable as our circumstances, but do not be fooled.
The circumstances outside of your control give you a reason for living as much as the circumstances that you choose.
Don’t take anything for granted.
Like a detective discovering bits of the truth as he or she finds clues, use the “hand you’ve been dealt” as a set of clues to lead you to the truth of what you mean.
Decide What You Mean
The general pattern of your decisions reveals your intentions.
They reveal your meaning over time.
In other words, every decision is further answering a question,
“What do you mean by ______________ ?”
What do you mean by attending this wedding?
What do you mean by setting up consistent mealtimes?
What do you mean by taking this job at this company?
What do you mean by asking someone how they are doing?
What do you mean by investing this money?
It’s the pattern of your decisions through the years that will clarify what you mean (what you intend).
And it’s the pattern of your decisions through the years that will determine what you really mean to others (what you’re worth).
This is powerful!
This means that we have not only been given meaning, but we are also creating meaning for ourselves in real time.
Now, let’s put this knowledge into practice by looking at the meaning of our roles.
Clarify Your Role
You can extract lodes of satisfaction and purpose when you specify what you mean in the roles you play.
Here’s an exercise to help you.
First, start with any role you play in life and define its meaning to you, the people that this role directly affects, and society.
For example, if you are a husband like I am, ask yourself what a husband means to you.
What does it mean to your wife? Your children if you have them?
What does being a husband mean to the world around you?
If you’re a follower of Jesus Christ, ask yourself what it means to Him.
The Bible has a lot to say about the roles we play.
Think deeply and you’ll discover that your role always means more than what you do.
The real meaning behind your role reveals itself in transcendent ideals—spiritual value.
For instance, part of what “husband” means to me is humility, service, and faithfulness.
It means security and love to my wife.
It means stability and clarity to my children.
These are noble ideals.
When I am aware of this lode of value, then my heart is full of satisfaction and love.
I love myself more. I value myself more. I mean more to me.
Of course, you and I play many roles in life, but only a few are the most important.
Dig into the meaning of the important ones.
After you’ve mined the role for meaning, determine what you mean to do with that role.
This is the part of the exercise that deals with our actions.
This is important because we aren’t just discovering our meaning, we are deciding our meaning.
And the general pattern of our decisions creates meaning.
To use my previous example of my role as a husband, I would ask myself,
“What do I mean by being a husband? What are my intentions?”
I mean to be present with my wife and love her.
I intend to provide for her needs.
When I am aware of this meaning, then my mind is full of plans for romance, dates, financial provision, and serving my wife.
When I am aware of what I mean as a husband, my will is determined to say yes to the opportunities that allow me to serve, love, and remain faithful to my wife.
I am determined to say no to things (even the good things) that would keep me from fulfilling my role.
Be Gracious.
Don’t panic if you find that you aren’t what you mean to be.
Appreciate the recognition of a truth you were once blind to.
Now you can adjust your thinking and actions to suit what you really mean to be and do.
That’s the power of clarifying what you mean.
As a life coach, I love to clarify and uncover what people mean.
Find out if life coaching could help you discover and determine the meaningful life you lead.
Contact me HERE for a right fit call.
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